Ashes

Dispensable as we are, we are still here...

With no questions asked, set it all a blaze...

Watch the fire burn...

Burn with me, till the ashes fly to where it belongs...

Then leave it where it lay..

14 August 2006

A Dream

I had a dream last night. I only remembered it a few hours ago.

There was a rabid dog of some sort leashed and caged a few feet away from me. I don't know, but I only turned my back on it for one second and the next thing I knew it, I was being attacked. The dog chewed on my left leg and on my right forearm. I did my best to fight back and ended up killing it. I asked help from people but they did not seem to have care for my condition. Not that I blame them. Some people just don't realize the severity of other people's discomfort. I ended up sitting and waiting for the inevitable.

That was my dream.

4:09am 27 March 2011

Smile

There is a smile that chills the air

The darkness of night does not show it

The flower on the tree has withered

And the scent has gone

The breath of change has come

A walk of pride and honor does suggest heavily

A burden no more in the world does the heart feel

Taste what is to come

Along the path some flowers still bloom

The answer of questions raised

A man must accept his fate

Or be destroyed by it

Now Smile

1:11AM 23 March 2011

Distance In Adoration

I saw a memory that I thought had passed me ages ago

I saw my childhood today

Couldn't help but smile the whole time

I could feel wings flapping in my belly

And a voice asking me to speak

Don't speak, you'll embarrass yourself

It's been so long but I remember being speechless in your presence

I still am

I think you know

But maybe you don't

I just might leave it at that

There are some words not meant to be spoken

This just might be one of those

It was good to have to smile though

Until next time, I can't wait

12:24am 18 March 2011

Of Less Light

I sit silently

Enough to even turn the skies grey

It's not the situation

It's the chair

And the distance

Of which the serpent's breath fills the air

Between this chair

And everywhere else in this place

This place still knows me

Though I am not coming back

Here, I am dead

I am lifeless amongst the damned

I sit silently

Victim to Eros no more

Yes, even the dead can dodge arrows

11:16pm 16 March 2011

Hail The Horsemen (Lyrics for a song I'm writing: To be positive about yourself)

Welcome to the apocalypse

Are you prepared to face the abyss?

Look into yourself and answer

Have you been all you should be?

Made the choices you could show your god

Kept yourself against inhumanity

Broken, fixed, stand and call yourself

Righteous

Are you ready for the apocalypse?

Take a bow, raise your head

See what lies are real amongst the dead

Loose your ground when all it shakes

But stand up after the quake

Then you'll see if you can be

Ready for the apocalypse

So, what say you?

Burn on earth and freeze in hell

The time is near

So have your answer

Fade to this, will the end be your path

Or will you keep yourself intact?

Distraction

Something has really gotten out of hand. Has my actions from the past echoed to my present that much? I never wanted this. There were things I should and should not have done, I know. I have no real intentions. I only have questions. And now, more questions seem to keep me up. Or keep me down, should be the right thing to say. Echo. Sleep. And never come back. I tried to be as civil and clear minded. Why am I accused for something I never did? Now, like I said, I don't care. Yes, say that I do. I have only used my eyes. Neglected to hear. And had spoken, but not anymore. I don't want to remember anymore if all I will see are shadows and all I can hear are echoes. I hate you, I love you. You still don't know that I know what you did. I was awake. I did not leave just yet. I heard. I trusted you make the decision to be loyal. You didn't. I knew you were trying to fix things with me. I tried, it was not easy. It's difficult to fix something while trying to hold your heart in place. I was holding it. I kept it there. Until I saw you with him. And that smile I saw from his face just reminded me of the demon smile of a criminal. How could you do this to me? I gave you all my love. I stayed loyal. I did everything for you. I almost rushed you to the hospital when I heard you fall. I told you I'll love you always. You told me that there can be no one else and it was just me. Where has this gone? How can you say you want to get married when this could happen just like that? How can you be with someone that everyone knows has someone else? How can you, someone I know, knew wanted to do all sort of decent and right things, to fix, to help. You, who told me stories of assholes you've met and heard about, and bitches you hate their names. I do not understand. I have not asked. I do not want to offend you.

I never tried to steal your friends. You introduced them to me to be my friends as well. And so, they too are my friends. I cannot say goodbye. I did say it but I cannot accomplish it. My friends were not as present as yours, so I complained about my situation to them. Not to give you a difficult time. I needed people to talk to. I needed to weep. Remember that night I promised to leave them alone. I did. I will not be a jerk and not reply when someone talks to me, especially if they talk to me decently. And I know how good people they are. I did not attempt anything of the sort to steal them from you. Why do you accuse me of this? What is running through your head? What has been going on with you these past few months? Who are you? You're still there, I know. The you I know is still there. Come back. You don't even have to come back to me. Just remember your footsteps. You are breaking my heart more this way. Please, come back.

The Half Fallen

I have seen a few stars when I gazed upon the heavens

And the moon has not shined upon me since that day

This is what it feels like

To bleed

To hate

To love

To break

The sky has no favor amongst men

The world is but a breath

And the path you choose is inevitable

To pierce your soul

To create a barrier from realization

To breathe real air but not realize you're suffocating

Your chest collapses in the space you're bound to

There is no escape

You have fallen

And fallen even more

You beg forgiveness for something you're not sure you have fault

"The tides will not turn", is something you know

Yet you tell yourself it will always be better

Your tears will fall in vain

But I will not cry

At least allow me this, oh cruel world

Have you not taken enough?

The sky bleeds red as I see it in my eyes

The crowd smiles and spits upon your face

They do not know what you think or feel

They may know similar

But never the same

A rogue

A colt

A dream yet to be seen for it is alone in queue

I can taste the scent of every breath she has made

And that alone is enough to take me to this place

She is not with me yet she is always in my thoughts

I plead to forget but my heart won’t allow it

The silence never seems to make itself useful

Instead, it crowds your thoughts of nostalgia and grief of loss

No, she is not dead

I am.

The only light I get is but a brief sense of peace

There is no peace

There is no rest

I will carve the lights of the cosmos to blend with my pain

I can see no other way

I must stay alive

Even if it means the death of my name and my castle

Cursed be the land

For it has no use to me

Cursed be the skies for it has forsaken me

And cursed be the creature that calls themselves "man"

For they are but less

I am less

My heart has not broken

It has been stabbed by love

Still the greatest weapon there is

A low blow to the soul's groins

FFFFFFFFF ack!

Tweeeeet!

And Baaaaa!

I am okay

The silence will once again be my friend

The life I had before is now mine again

Thank you for the love

Thank you for the kisses

The hugs

The promises

Thank you world for your filth

I am sad to say I cannot repay you

I do not have it in me

I have outgrown your ways

5:57Am 11 March 2011

I Scribbled This Back In 2006 (I have no title)

I am a man who started as a boy with countless opportunities in this world. It's no figure of speech. As time can cruelly be, he slowly or quickly took away most of them. I don't blame time. My choices every time I found my self in crossroads have not exactly been the wisest choices to make, considering how the world works. I do not regret them, for I have kept my self along the way. Instead, I now see that there was more than just 'A' or 'B'. That's what I was always afraid of. Having more choices than what makes life easier. Why? Because, having more than two choices means there are more chances to make a mistake and fail. I was wrong. I never saw the other half of it, there is also more chances for me to succeed in succeeding. I am now one who can't really tell you who he is. No words can really describe a person for who he/she is. I can look at you and guess what made you you but cannot still describe who you are. Your face does not leave a mark on me at all; it's who you were when I knew you. I only hope, if you see things the same as I, that I am known to you as a good man.

I bleed, I cry, I laugh, I smile, I'm intelligent, I'm a dumb ass, I am funny, I am sad, I am irritating, I am loveable, I am angry. What else? I care too much for others. I respect too much, trust too easily, I love, I hate, I feel pain, I tend to be apathetic in times, and I am a raging ball of fiery rolled something. Whew! Yes, I am that. I am more and so are you. I do not choose to be angry; I don't remember why I easily get angry. Sometimes, what one needs to do is to get angry. Just be careful not to lose yourself completely. Even if it means being angry without acting upon it to others.

I have experienced this. I do not understand the breakups, when promises have been made. I am not one to give my word about something that easily. Remember? That night, you asked me why I see you. I said, "Because I have fallen deeply in-love with you and I will love you ALWAYS". Now, I'm at work. I can't do my job properly, but I'm doing my best. I cannot play with my words like you do. I do not see what you see. I will be a better man. That, I promise.

If there is one thing I would want to say to you. It would be that I love you completely so please look enough to know that you're the one I want to go through time with.

23 January 2006

Thoughts of a Babbling Fool

There are a few things that probably can cause an enormous, ungainly, spontaneous change in most human beings. I, for one, am not entirely sure what they are. Why the intro then? There is no point to it. As a matter of fact, I could care less about why, who, where, when, what the significance of the causes are. It's there, that's all there is to know. Yes, I often wonder why and what. But every answer I come across has only opened another question then mostly goes to a cycle or questions before reaching the pre-destined web of questions that I should have foreseen. We grew up with these. Consciousness and choice. Although most of what we know is a reflection of what everyone else knows based on what everyone else know, knew, and who knows what else. We were all taught something, a few things. Learned a few things as well, as long as our will takes over, or in most cases the will of others. We all know how wrong is often made rather than the right and still we believe we're right even if our right is not necessarily the right of the other person we've wronged. It's a shame there is no real standard to human values. But nether the less, we have always chosen what we believe is right because of feeling. Now, what trained this feeling? Is it what we were taught? IS it what we have learned? Is it our consciousness or our unconsciousness? Or is it something we would like to believe in Just because at some point of our lives, at a most likely forgotten day of event, we heard/saw/felt/tasted something better than what we always had? These are all just questions that relate to the human zombie autopilot reckless beings that we are.

I am writing this to gather my thoughts, so I apologize for sounding a little pathetic or stupid. It's just difficult to understand why choices always have to have consequences. "To every action there is always an equal reaction". Yes you've heard of this. Everyone has. It's not difficult at all to comprehend yet it is something a few really learn early. My couch in basketball told us before that "you have not learned anything until you have applied it". I always remembered that because I always thought it was something worth keeping and something to help me through the coming years. Yes, it has helped. Not in a way that necessarily made me apply things immediately. I did my fare part to experience the opposite of my credo. Now, after all those adventures, I made it a mission not to repeat them. Yes, I did fail at much, but I also succeeded with the most important parts of my beliefs and values. There are still more of the important choices to make. It was made clear to me due to recent events. Although, I still know that no matter what those are, they or at least most of them is more likely not to matter at all. My hands alone cannot build bridges.

Let's evaluate this nonsense I have just written. Or not. There is no point to these thoughts I have been babbling about the past 10 minutes.

1:27am 3 March 2011

Booze

It's just like heaven

The feeling of bliss

An escape

Something To hold

To quench your thirst

The feeling can just last all night

Something you keep looking for

Don't need to think about tomorrow

It's just so good to live in the moment

The night is yours and you know it

Life is that moment

The scent of freedom overpowers

It's a celebration

It's just like heaven.

Soon, when you wake

Your heart will feel the pain

As if it wants to leave you

For all you've done and had

Like it despises you

Before that, your head will tell you not to get up

Not again, "Stay down"

Every movement you make makes you feel worse

You'll want to remember what happened the night before

But you wouldn't want to strain yourself thinking about it

You tell yourself, "Never again"

Of course, in time you forget

And then you indulge your self once again.

3:36 pm 9 March 2011

Prōdigere

When you've made your choice

Stand by it, live the roller coaster life

Have the excitement you crave

Be as young as you can be

Reckless

Take life in your hands and laugh at death

Feel the caress of temptation

And feed your hunger

Feel the fight

Raise your chin or break your heart in tears

Don't look back now

Only look back if there is still land behind you

But you're too far offshore

Look forward and swim in this world of "happiness"

Then, when all bones show through your beat up skin

A slap to the face by fate and time

Try to swim the more difficult path back

There just might be something to stand on

3:39am 7 March 2011

Fall

It's hard to say that I know the people around me. For now, all I can see is dust.

1:01pm 13 December 2010

Patriotism

I think "patriotism" only gives strength to the system and fuels ignorance. Instead of being proud for something i was born in, I will be proud to be able to live a well humane life...

10:37pm 7 October 2010

Comrade

Raise your hands

No matter what the cause

And through everything

These hands, we still have

Through everything

We can still raise our hands

Scream if you must

Dance

Smile

Laugh

Cry

Just raise them

I will raise mine with you

So keep them high

3:38am 6 March 2011

Broken Love Letter

You know I wouldn't have let you go that night.

There was more that I could offer

And because I'm insanely in love with you.

But because you insisted it was what you needed

And because I love you that much

I let you go.

Must be the worst decision I have ever made

And now there is nothing but mistakes.

You were never a mistake.

And I just want you to know that.

But it may be too late.

I love you, with all that is in me and all that is my being.

1:05 am 3 March 2011

This Place

It's a new day!

The sun is up and there will be smiles.

Step out and see the rain and the angry faces

"Good morning, Sunshine!"

That is the worlds greeting

The world is cruel but it's the only world we have

7:33pm 3 March 2011

Ronin

There is a man that stands as he is
without lie, without guilt, without true fault
This man, one with regret, but won't be the man he is
He is angry, hiding it as if it was nothing
This man has fought countless battles
Be it the battle with others or himself
The question of what honor is crosses his mind
Is it worth the joy of what he once had?
Will this world continue to grow filthy as he still stands as one?
The tired man faces only a blade as his fate
This world does not deserve the honor of such a man
Oh, comrades, there is no place for men without anything to fight for
There is only a man, a sword, a belief, and his honor
How can one fight a world without it?
How can one live without the fight?
Still be the water and calm be the night
This man has one last fight

3 March 2011 12:37am