It was not an unusual night. There was the cold breeze, the darkness, and some people walking by who looked like they were part of a movie set. There was this particular woman, wearing a white dress that night. It‘s hard to describe exactly what she was wearing. It was simple and elegant. She was beautiful in her simplicity. She reminded me of garden party scenes. Someone you know would be easy to love and easy marry.
I noticed it was late, so I knew I had to be going home. I decided to go to a bar and get a beer. Just one beer wouldn’t hurt; I was not in a hurry for anything. This proves how pointless my opening statement was.
At the bar, there were more foreigners than natives and for some reason I felt more comfortable. At least I didn’t have to worry about anyone I know seeing me at that time. There was this man, though. He was also a foreigner. You know how open they are to just talk to anyone? Well, he did talk to me. I sort of didn’t mind but I was hearing him blabber about his daughter and how beautiful she was and how single she was too. Now, that may be fine but I really wasn’t interested. I didn’t know how to give him a “leave me alone” gesture that wouldn’t be offensive. And so, I just listened to him talk about everything that I don’t know and have no plans of knowing about. I blanked out of course. Then the inevitable, my one bottle beer turned into two bottles, then three. Later, I was surrounded by foreign women and what seemed to be their husbands near the billiard table. Well, I cannot be entirely sure, but I believe they weren’t all married, because I wouldn’t have my arm around one of the foreign women that night. Yes, I was drunk. I thought I needed to get away before I do anything stupid. I knew where this was going.
So, I tripped and tumbled on my way out of the bar. I think I even bumped my head on one of the posts holding the roof of the walkway. I was trying to remember how much I drank while walking home, just so walking home won’t feel like walking home.
As I neared the place I reside in, I couldn’t help but overhear the arguments of a couple who were just a few meters from me. They were in my path. The man talked argued that the woman cheated first, and the woman argued that she wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t close enough to another woman that it seemed that he was also cheating. I wasn’t as drunk anymore upon hearing something I would call harsh equality. I tried my best not to look at them but I don’t think they even knew that I was present and was passing by. I thought of the woman I saw earlier that night. You know, the beautiful, elegant woman in white. If only it were that easy. But I know from experience that the love I seek is not the easy love. Yes, easy to fall in-love with, but not so easy as to keep. So, the marriage part, even if I know that I cannot provide what is needed in the physical world. I know I’m ready for everything else. It’s just strange that we, as flawed beings of this universe, always complicate what is already complicated to begin with, when it’s as easy as breathing.
May 2009
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